A poem

From such a great book (Dance While You Can - Lance Wubblels)

First I was dying to finish high school and start college.

And then I was dying to finish college and start working.

And then I was dying to marry and have children.

And then I was dying for my children

to grow old enough

so I could get back to my career.

And then I was dying to retire.

And now I am dying....

and suddenly realize that I forgot to live.

(Author Unknown)

"While I Can Dance"

"While I Still Can Dance...
I Will delight in the sheer pleasure of being with you....
Just being with you.
Days spent with you are among the best in my world."
(While I Still Can Dance - Lance Wubbels)

Passion

Passion, according to my friend webster, is defined as an "emotion that is deeply stirring or ungovernable".


No, its actually not about love. Not at all. Even though love might last forever for some, it is not as intense (and - oh so good) as passion.



The cure for this boredom of life, of long days and mean people is passion . For something, even better for someone. It just adds meaning to life.


According t to Descartes there are six ‘primitive’ passions :wonder, love, hatred, desire, joy, and sadness. An this same academic article explains that, such passions "are not meaningless agitations of the animal spirits, but ingredients in the good life.” (Frijda, 2000, p. 6)
Personally, I agree.

“I want to feel passion, I want to feel pain. I want to weep at the sound of your name. Come make me laugh, come make me cry... just make me feel alive.” Joey Lauren Adams

no one comes here anyway

The fact that I've been so lazy around this house, fearing the scorpions, gave me so much time to write in this blog!!

I know my last post was so boring, and I apologize. PMS is not easy, and it completely drives my inspiration down! I've been so confused and nervous latety, having the weirdest dreams and thinking so much. Yep, an empty mind can house the devil. It is true indeed.
However, it gave me time to think about diets, voluntary work, Spain, and talk to old friends. :-)

I'll try to write a poem:


When


When all is done, but nothing is said
Even while our lips smile and kiss
Our hearts are broken and sad
Because a true feeling they miss.

When tears fall, but we pretend to cry
It takes time for our reason to realize
To me, and to you this love is a lie
Of our letters and kisses, won't matter their size.

When we hold, feeling as if walking away
The obligation comes quick,
And the words come of my mouth and say,
"I love you", another beautiful trick.

When we lay, thinking how to say goodbye
To each other, we give a fake smile.
Wondering how to cover up again for such lie.
Then we think "let's wait for a while,"

When we celebrate, thinking how much longer this could last,
We keep our meanings inside our hearts, afraid;
Realizing how life passes and time is going in a pace that's fast.
And how this true, beautiful outside love, is purely made.

By Ana Livia Coelho


















"You're just a little boy, all you do is annoy...you must talk so big, to make up for smaller things." (Christina Aguilera/Lil' Kim)"

This is me, thank you very much :-)

I've been thinking about what makes us who we are. Our fears? Our past? Our pictures? Our personal things? Our perfumes? Then, I got to the conclusion: all of this is not enough.
I always believed one's bedroom depicted his personality. I believe it is true, indeed. However, for people like me, who dont have their own bedroom (I come and go. Dorm, and now, for the summer, a room at my mom's then, a room in Spain) this theory does not really work.

So, today, when unpacking my boxes from Indiana, I found so much. That box, was my tiny life. If you, without knowing me, opened that, you could say some about me.
Here's what I had:
Tons of dvds, A bible, a rosary, and an image of the Virgin Mary. A great number of pictures of my friends. (friends from Brazil, ex-boyfriends, dogs, etc). Love letters (I keep all of them.) Books (one which I never read, the other called "Nitty, Gritty, Grammar" and one of photography). A Spanish dictionary.
And more and more..........

I love movies. I am religious, I love my memories more than anything in this world. I love the idea of true love, soul mates and all that crap. I hate reading. (Except for school). And Spanish is in my blood.

However, I feel theres so much more in my personality. I am terrified of scorpions and spiders, I love having people messing with my hair, I hate dependent people, I am super supportive of gay rights, I would never wear real fur, I try to watch CNN every morning.
I am confused. So confused. All the time, and I dont know why. I bite my nails, I move my toes everytime I am in pain. I also love to hold someone's hands and squeeze the hell outta of them when I am nervous, in pain or I am laughing.
I love cooking. I completely love to hug people. My mom is my example.
I love to sleep in the same bed as my friends. I am more jealous of my friends than I was ever with any boyfriend. I try to keep a good friendship with my ex-boyfriends. I cry all the time, and I think it feels great. I go to bed late, every single night.
I read celebrity gossip too much. I love the smell of roses.
I have a passion for scented candles. I've done bad things that I will never regret of.
I kind of dont trust in men. I hate dumb girls. And I hate even more guys who prefer to have sex with one of them, then to have a great conversation with a smart one (hey, not nerdy!)

I am scared of driving, and scared to get too compromised with someone. However, I have my entire wedding planned (the dress, the flowers, the songs). I am liberal - oh so liberal. I call my mom when Im drunk and sick, when I get into a fight in a party or when i crash my car 3am.
I only trust in my mom and my sister in this whole world.

These are only some things about me. I would love to hear about others.. I dont know if anyone ever knew me that well - except for mama, of course - but I dont know. It takes time, patience and tolerance to know people truly - in my opinion.

Oh well. Its late. I better go to bed.

"Well I never lived the dreams of the prom kings /And the drama queens /I'd like to think the best of me /Is still hiding / Up my sleeve" (John Mayer)

What is your happiness?

"Find purpose; the means will follow"
Mohandas Gandhi

Finding Happiness...

It might be difficult to encounter happiness in those worst days. It doesn't truly matter if you are rich, poor, healthy or sick. It comes from within.
It's sad to realize that sometimes, people only start to appreciate the smell of pines when walking , or the orange and red leaves in the beggining of fall or even the silence when they get a deathly disease such as cancer. It's sad to realize people don't really do what they want in life, even when they know from the day they are born that this life is quite short.

We all want happiness. But, first...what is happiness? It's a quite difficult answer, let me tell you. It's probably because people don't understand what is their OWN happiness. There is no such thing as an Universal happiness and enjoyment. Happiness is like taste and opinion, each person is different. Thinking that winning the lottery could make one happy is the biggest mistake. (However it may be for some).

I know people that lead simple and humble lives, and I know amazing people that lead their lives in a wheelchair. These people, were so much happier than a lot of others I know.

Depression is the new trend nowadays. And what is so interesting to notice, is that humble people don't have the luxury to say they are depressed. It never even crossed their minds, I suppose. I am not arguing that depression don't exist, it does. Serotonin levels go down, I guess. Bla bla bla.

But before running to a doctor, asking for some Prozac, stop and think about your life. Think of the worst days you've had. The worst part of the days.
What could be done differently?
Meditation can be the strongest - and cheapest - Prozac ever. Even the same doctors that prescribe Prozac state that: laughing and meditating can save your life.

Believe or not, the most important thing to do in your life - even before start making your decisions in regards to life - is to decide what makes you happy. It might take a long time...days, months. But search for what you want to do, what thoughts you want to cross your mind, what kinds of people you want to be around you, how do you want to see yourself....

It's a journey, that requires patience, a bit of selfishness and much love for yourself. It is the most significant journey of your life. Because after you are done with this journey, things will make sense. You will be surprised.

The big picture of life is calling. Life is calling.
The most important thing to learn is to enjoy. Even if you must spend long hours in a library (just like I am now) appreciate the silence. Look for a perspective in your life that makes you smile. I am sure you will find it.

Appreciate things, the small things. Weddings, birthdays, and winning the lottery don't happen very often, so enjoy the birds, the smells, the coffee you drink and the company of the ones you love.

Learn that time and silence can do wonders for you. Believing can relieve your heart. And love - for yourself, for who you are - can feel so damn good.


Love,
Analivia