Oh, what a boring day. I've been in this mood since Friday night, and it sucks. My head is so head with this mucus? maybe, that there is no space for nothing else. My body is the same way. My room looks like there was a hurricane there, which medicines and Klenex all over and I dont even bother making my bed anymore since it's now a permanent space.
I am so in a "I dont care" mode. I skipped my Filosofy class once again, and I took another medicine that will make me fall sleep again. My commitments are blending together, ... and I dont care.

Im in a terrible mood. And I am sorry. I will regret feelin like this later, but honestly....I dont care.

Let me enjoy my I dont careness, since at least I have a reason to not to care.

Só hoje

Hoje eu preciso te encontrar de qualquer jeito
Nem que seja só pra te levar pra casa
Depois de um dia normal...
Olhar teus olhos de promessas fáceis
E te beijar na boca de um jeito que te faça rir (que te faça rir)
Hoje eu preciso te abraçar
Sentir teu cheiro de roupa limpa
Pra esquecer os meus anseios e dormir em paz
Hoje eu preciso ouvir qualquer palavra tua
Qualquer frase exagerada que me faça sentir alegria
Em estar vivo
Hoje eu preciso tomar um café, ouvindo você suspirar
Me dizendo que eu sou o causador da tua insônia
Que eu faço tudo errado sempre, sempre
Hoje preciso de você
Com qualquer humor, com qualquer sorriso
Hoje só tua presença
Vai me deixar feliz
Só hoje

saudade

My roomate Katie sent me the lyrics of this song, promising me I would love it. She was so right.
I loved it. :) It was so simple.
I feel a little lazy and homesick this week, I dont know why. Portuguese is the only language to have a word for this huge feeling in my heart: Saudade. :) Saudade, is the feeling of missing someone or something.
Not to get me wrong - I have never been happier than now. However, saudade can kill me at times.
So this song made me happy. It's good to feel that peace in your heart with a mix of saudade. I could even say it's the feeling I have ever felt.

:)



This is the first day of my life
I swear I was born right in the doorway
I went out in the rain suddenly everything changed
They're spreading blankets on the beach

Yours is the first face that I saw
I think I was blind before I met you
Now I don’t know where I am
I don’t know where I’ve been
But I know where I want to go

And so I thought I’d let you know
That these things take forever
I especially am slow
But I realize that I need you
And I wondered if I could come home

Remember the time you drove all night
Just to meet me in the morning
And I thought it was strange you said everything changed
You felt as if you'd just woke up
And you said “this is the first day of my life
I’m glad I didn’t die before I met you
But now I don’t care I could go anywhere with you
And I’d probably be happy”

So if you want to be with me
With these things there’s no telling
We just have to wait and see
But I’d rather be working for a paycheck
Than waiting to win the lottery
Besides maybe this time is different
I mean I really think you like me

All my favorite moments - and favorite people!

Make your own slide shows and scrapbooks

Eu quero....

Quero viajar
Quero conhecer
Quero conversar
E nao quero esquecer

Quero te encontrar
Quero só saber
Quero explorar
E só quero entender

Quero descobrir
Quero saber amar
Quero morrir de rir
Quero sentar e chorar

Quero prestar atençao
Quero na grama deitar
Nao quero ter razao
E preciso aproveitar

Quero ficar calada
Quero falar muito alto
Quero ser amada
Nao quero sentir que falto

Quero fazer amizade
Quero fazer amor
Nao quero sentir saudade
E nem chorar de dor

Quero passar o dia dormindo
E a noite toda acordada
Quero ver voce sorrindo
E estar com voce abracada

Quero ver o que é diferente
Quero aprender a julgar
Quero ver o mundo realmente
E aprender a apreciar

Quero ser independente
Quero me sentir um pouco fragil
Quero ser inteligente
E que meu coracao seja agil

Quero abraçar o mundo
Quero só voce aqui
Quero tudo num segundo
E continuar a sorrir.

Memorable Spain 2007 Quotes (so far)

Me: She said "oh, i would never do that" and I thought "would you fuck yourself? I am sure you would, right?!"

A weird fart noise starts...
Katie: Hey it was not me.
Me: Oh, if the hat fits...
Katie: You mean the shoe?!

To Andrea about a "inside joke"
Me: Cool! That´s gonna be our internal joke!

When Katie crosses the street on a red light:
Me screaming: You crazy bitch, you´re gonna kill us!

When talking about being rude...
Me: Christian, let´s say you´re a jew, and I tell you "Jesus is the man!!!" ....you just dont do it you know.
Then Christian goes with a huge explanation of his religious views.
Oh boy.

Complaining about having to take the long metro back home...
Me: Dude, if the rape is inevitable, just relax and have an orgasm.

Telling Danny about how I hate picky and girly girls:
Me: I hate girls that complain about double dipping. Why? I just asked once to a girl that was bitching on it " do you do blowjobs???"
Danny: I can completely relate double dipping to blowjobs, Ana. wow.

Katie: you crazy brazilians need to realize that it is an INSIDE joke and not an internal joke and that the phrase is "if the shoe fits, wear it." not a hat. and that phrases that involve rape and enjoyment are not acceptable.

and although you didnt ask for my opinion, I´m going to give it to you.

Lesson to be learned: Never call Christian a jew and then say¨"jesus is the man."

:)
Crazy people.

About picture: "Katie, if you had gone to the cultural meeting, you would have known that!"
Katie "Fuck you!"

¡España, hombre!

Bullfight in Madrid. Spanish culture in a nutshell. :)

Um pensamento...

A vida é muito curta pra arrependimentos, tristeza, solidao, raiva e vergonha. Porém, ame quem voce quiser, do jeito que voce quiser; substitua as horas de solidao com horas de paz ou com horas de completa loucura e use seu corpo pra abraçar a vida, as pessoas, e as oportunidades a frente.
A vida é curta, mas se a gente souber viver, ela pode ser a mais longa e maravilhosa aventura.

-Ana Livia

Good to feel this way.


Cuando yo estoy pensando en ti
Amor es lo que más fuerte sale de mí
Por eso yo siempre vivo tan feliz
Pues tú eres lo que yo más quiero para mí

Cuando yo me voy para Medellín
En cada montaña yo dibujo trozos de ti
Y si yo me voy para Bogot á también allá
Esa sabana bella de ti me hace recordar
Y he recorrido el mundo entero y jamás

Te digo que he visto una cosa más bella que tu mirar
Te digo que he visto la luna de noche hablar con el mar
Pero jamás he visto una cosa más bella que tu mirar
Y es que son tus ojos tu sonrisa y tu boca
Y tu carita de coqueta a la final lo que me gusta a mí
Y soy yo quien se pone siempre como un loco
Cuando me miras poco a poco de la manera que me gusta a mí

Ayer hacía mucho mucho pero mucho calor
Y yo sentía frío porque no tenía todo tu amor
Hoy en cambio hace frío y siento mucho calor
Porque estás tú de nuevo conmigo mi gran amor
Y es que he recorrido el mundo entero y jamás

Te digo que he visto una cosa más bella que tu mirar
Te digo que he visto la luna de noche hablar con el mar
Pero jamás he visto una cosa más bella que tu mirar

Y es que son tus ojos tu sonrisa y tu boca
Y tú carita de coqueta a la final lo que me gusta a mí
Y soy yo quien se pone siempre como un loco
Cuando me miras poco a poco de la manera que me gusta a mí

Thoughts and Memory...

It´s getting cold in Madrid, but not too cold. It´s the perfect weather in my opinion.
Needless to say, I love this city and everything in it. Yesterday, when walking to the park with my friend we were discussing what makes we like a person. He said something...I´ll quote: "We like a person for their qualities, but we love them for their faults". And I guess this is with cities, or situations.

There are things that drive me nuts around here, but in the end of the day I am so glad I could go through them ... I mean, to have the opportunity to go through this culture and feel so angry at times.
I know I complain so much sometimes about never being able to stay in a place and have permanent friends, a permanent house and always having long distance relationships with friends. But it gives me a chance to know people, know places and get pissed off a number of times. :)



Change of subject: last saturday I went to a bullfight with my roomates and some friends. I have to say: I never missed my grandfather more than that day. I know the "show" is a cruel thing, but I also know he would have LOVED to be there. It was almost as if I could see his eyes getting big, and his putting his two palms together and rubbing them so quickly (as he did every time he was excited about something).
The Plaza de Toros was amazing, and I could see him there. Everywhere. In my mind at least.
Actually a lot of Spain reminds me of my grandfather. My neighborhood reminds me of him...A lot of older couples live there, and I everytime I see a grandpa bringing their grandkids from school and listening to their stories I remember of my grandpa coming home from his work and always having some kind of candy in his pocket and asking us what we thought about the government.

Memory is such a beautiful thing.

:)

"Some memories are realities, and are better than anything that can ever happen to one again" (Willa Cather)

What I love about...

Here I am again, in Madrid, in school, going through so much. Everything is wonderfully fine! :)
The intensive courses just finished (hopefully I did well!), I am getting used to the new apartment, getting along with the roomies, missing my boyfriend terribly and new classes started today...
It is a mix of so much stuff, I have to say. After a while your skin starts to get culturally thick and I want to learn more and more about this. I live with people from 2 different cultures in my apartment, get on the street to deal with another one while looking with eyes from a Brazilian one. I am not complaining... I am learning and enjoying.

Spending this time in Spain gives me time to think about my life, and things around me. As always, I realize who are the good friends we have and how friendship really works. I have to state here a special thanks to Jamila, she is such a good friend, no matter where I am... we never lose touch.

But I also came to the ridiculous conclusion of how people are: it was only when I moved to Indiana that I came to realize what I really enjoyed in Brazil, when I went to Brazil for summer I realized US was home and only in SPain I realize what I love about the US. I love the breakfast food from the US, the Sunday brunch with lots of fat stuff such as bacon, eggs, pancakes wearing pj´s. I love that I can buy nice underwear in Victoria´s secret and get cheap and cool stuff at Target for so cheap. I LOVE my mom´s kitchen and I love how things work fast, and how everything is open.

But then... I dont want to be like that when I get back to the US, where I realize what was really good in Spain. So here, I´ll make a list of all the things I love about here so far:
-olives!!!!!!!!!
-cheap wine
-sangria, tinto de verano, malibu con piña
-the two kisses on the face!
-public displays of affection
-the respect older couples have for each other in public
-the great bars
-great public transportation
-tortillas españolas, jamón
-how artsy everything is
-how energetic people are about every single thing
-being able to kiss in public without being judged or looked at
-napolitanas :)
-the nightlife
-el parque del buen retiro
-sol
-cheap h&m (well, that was in the US! too)

and most of all, realizing that ...

"No tienes nada a perder, y mucho que viver" (You have nothing to lose, and too much to live).

I must enjoy.
:)

Con amor,
Ana Livia