Aint no talkin to this man
Aint no pretty other side
Aint no way to understand the stupid words of pride
It would take an acrobat and I already tried all that
Im gonna let him fly
Things can move at such a pace
The second hand just waved goodbye
You know the light has left his face
But you cant recall just where or why
So there was really nothing to it
I just went and cut right through it
I said Im gonna let him fly
Theres no mercy in a live wire
No rest at all in freedom
The choices we are given
Its no choice at all
The proof is in the fire
You touch before it moves away
But you must always know
How long to stay and when to go

And there aint no talking to this man
He's been trying to tell me so
It took a while to understand
The beauty of just letting go
Cause it would take an acrobat n
I already tried all that

Im gonna let him fly

The most courageous act is still to think for yourself. Aloud.
-Coco Chanel

Back to Black

Welcome to the US - once again.

I must say - the reason it took me so long to write here again was that I needed to face the fact that I am back to the US. The land of dreams that brings me back to reality.

This Starbucks with windows that face the IU Sample Gates takes me back to the one on Atocha with the marvelous view of the Reina Sofia. As much as this thought brings me extreme nostalgia and a bit of depression; it brings me the infinite gratitute for having this opportunity. I lived the dream.

I wish my grandpa was still alive. I remember him saying that after he came back from Spain he was ready to die: he had done everything he ever wished for. Since then, I keep searching for these moments that makes my life so worth to live. Being in Madrid was one of those - maybe the most important till now.

I will never forget the long walks down Gran Via, alone, at night. As much as Spaniards would piss me off and Complutense people at the cafeteria were rude; and as much as I wanted to kill my neighbor - Spain gave me something that no one will ever take away from me.

The best friends I ever made in my entire life were the ones I had in Madrid. The best roomates I ever had, were Katie and Christian. The best Napolitana was the Mallorquina one. And the best tortilla for sure was the one at the Edificio B.

The nostalgia of sitting in the metro and walking around Sol are priceless.

I wouldn't say that I am ready to die. Much the contrary. Spain was that little spark that opened my eyes to what's ahead in the world. That people are people no matter where - even crazy Moroccans or annoying Italians with their roses on fountains! - and that we all feel the same way. We express ourselves differently, and this causes so much conflict in the world.
Travelling and living in a place with a different culture (for the second time!) taught me that conflict only happens when we close ourselves to the unexpected. To the strange and to unfamiliar.
When we open our eyes to the world, we are able to see that behind all that expression and habits, lays a person that feels happy the same way we do and that cries the same tears we do.

So - back to Starbucks - I feel happy that I was able to learn that. As much as I want to cry because I miss Madrid, I can always say a part of my heart lays in the streets of Madrid, right around the Paseo del Prado.

With love,

Ana Livia

This is my last week in Madrid.
I remember creating this blog for "journaling" my trip and all I did was post songs about this trip :P

Anyways, today I was trying to study - I did just bit - for my last Complutense exam, and had such an empty day. I hate days like that - the weather was cloudy, I was so bummed right in the morning, and with no plans for anything especial for the day. And here we go: that's my day. Ended by a fabulous 2 cans of light coke (who lead me to infinite trips to the toilet and feeling super hyper)
I already packed one bag (!) and there's still so much I feel. I am feeling a bit worried about everything to get ready once I am home. I've been sleeping like crap - keep waking up with stupid dreams. :P
I dont know...

These 2 last weeks have been a little hard. Most of everyone is busy doing something else, studying, traveling or already gone. And going through Madrid would be fun - but alone? It's a bit depressing. Well...staying in this apartment it's not that appealing either. I just hate these empty days when you don't do much and your head thinks too much...you know?! An empty mind is a house for the devil, and I hate myself on those days. I only think of stupid things, I feel lonely, ...just stupid. I need to do something...I really need. This is pathetic.

I am excited to go home - mainly to see my family, David and start my things again. It will be my last year at IU and I have no clue what to do afterwards.

Well, this song is one of my favorite Shakira ones...And it couldnt be better for this moment.

Te dejo Madrid ( I leave you, Madrid)




"Pronto estaré de tí, muy, muy lejos"

:)

Two songs I heard a lot this year...Hopefully it will work for me to go see her before leaving to U.S.

:)

"Ooooh,you're changing your heart,
Ooooh, you know who you are."
-1234,Feist



"...We'll collect the moments one by one
I guess that's how the future's done..."
-Mushaboom, Feist

Ready.

Back to writing.
It's been forever I haven't written anything and I always feel like it puts me back in my place. It's always good to put my ideas on paper...(well, on screen?)
I've been traveling a lot, and I believe I am a little done with my little adventure (in regards to traveling)
I went to Extremadura (Mérida, Trujillo and Cáceres), Lisbon, Marrakech, Rome and Barcelona in one month. :D I loved it, it was so nice to see all these countries and cities. I had so much fun and I learned a lot. The whole airport thing gets you tired, and you always end up spending a lot of money on the way, but I believe it was worth it.
I loved every of these cities, and they ended up being as nice (or better) as I imagined. I am enchanted by Portugal - even though the rain didn't allow me to enjoy the beach and so on. I felt so at home, not just because of the language, but a lot of things that I thought were from the Brazilian culture were actually rooted there.

The people from the hostel I stayed at (which I HIGHLY recommend, called Traveller's House!) were telling me that there is a lot prejudice with Brazilian people in Portugal, due to the illegal immigrants trying to get in... It's understandable, and it makes me a bit sad. I hope Brazilian people dont end up turning like the latinos in South America who have this bad reputation for coming illegaly to other developed countries.

This past week I was a bit down...I dont know why. I was tired from all the trips I think. Katie said that maybe it's because I needed to relax from all the traveling I did and stay at home a bit. I was also homesick like crazy. So I changed my ticket for the 17th of June (which already made me feel better!)
I miss David, and I miss the little home things. But I have only like 29 days (less than a month!!!!!) to get back and I need to enjoy a bit here, since I will miss it...
So today I went to the grocery store, grabbed some jamón, and some jamón-filled olives, and I am eating some 'pipas' here...
Probably go to the park (I will miss my good Retiro), and drink some sangría and hang out with my Paff and Christian. I will miss Christian, he is such a great guy!!

But I decided to turn that little homesick feeling, into (as David said!) good things to look foward. It's so funny: It's a mixture with things and people I am dying to do and see, and the nostalgy from here.
Hey, it's life.
:)
but I am thankful for being able to feel such things.

.
.
.

But I am ready. :) Happily ready.



"The most important thing in life is your family. There are days you love them, and others you don't, but in the end they're the people you always come home to. Sometimes it's the family you're born into and sometimes it's the one you make for yourself." (Sex and the City)

A good friend sent me this song today, and it suited me perfectly on how I was feeling...
I have a paper to do now, so no time to write much...But this week I will write more.

Ana Livia


"I know I can, but honestly, won't someone stop this train?"

:D

A poem I remember reading to my mom a little before I left, and she loved it!

After A While

by Veronica A. Shoffstall

After a while you learn
the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn
that love doesn't mean leaning
and company doesn't always mean security.
And you begin to learn
that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises
and you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes ahead
with the grace of woman, not the grief of a child
and you learn
to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow's ground is
too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way of falling down
in mid-flight.
After a while you learn
that even sunshine burns
if you get too much
so you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone
to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure
you really are strong
you really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn
with every goodbye, you learn...

she was there, so was he.
she was lost, and he was too.
She felt a relief
"Thank God I found you"

she is by his side
even if he doesn't know
she won't change her mind
even if she needs to show

he is full of fears
she knows how much he did cry
he doesn't miss his tears
and she would never lie

he is there, and she is here
she cries before going to bed
and so does he
Without each other, all is so sad.

She wishes she was there
So he could easily understand
How much she does love and care
And that here she will always stand.

She hopes he understands
That she will never mind
To wait for his heart to mend
"No, we have all the time"

She is so in love with him
She wishes he could know
She has never this happier been
And doesnt plan to ,ever, from his side, go.

By Ana Livia

"Take time to realize, I am your side.
Didn't I tell you?"

sweet song.

xoxo
Ana Livia

Throw all your ingredients in the bowl, let it boil for 24 hours...give it a cup of coffee accompanied by a patient roomate and wait until it explodes.


That's Ana for you!

Trying to be good.

I've been trying to keep myself busy and healthy and studious, which is hard considering I have a serious case of ADD. Noo, I am joking.

Randomly I find myself reading through Nutricional Info. searching for "grasas" y "omega". :P
I also find myself opening my persona to new things too... It's like me running in the park for a minute concentrating on negative things hoping that with each step they will flow away and stopping to admire a little duck to absorb the good things.
Yep, the trips to Retiro are being quite beneficial, and I need to thank David (and most of all the Spanish doctor) for convincing me to do that.
Being so against Ipods gives me time to realllyyy think and relax when I am in the park, and to read a book in the metro. However, I have to say sometimes I miss my good old rap while walking around...

I am also reading a book - in Spanish! - called "Perdona si te llamo amor" (Excuse me if I call you love) from Federico Moccia.
The author is supposed to be famous in his country - Italy - especially with the femenine public, for writing books about this love full of passion that many believe are "hard-to-believe".
It's not a deep book or anything, and the plot is simple, super entertaining and easy to read. Sometimes I catch myself smiling in the subway while reading a paragraph and then noticing there's a weird Spaniard (as any Spaniard) staring at me and trying to check what I am reading.
I love how in the subway almost everyone carry a book - and a LOT of people hide the cover of the book so no one knows what they are reading :P
I wondered the reason for such habit until the day I saw this man, in his suit, who seemed VERY serious coming in the metro, opening his laptop case and starting to read "Harry Potter"! :P

Nothing else is new. I miss my family so much, it's ridiculous. I miss my mom's food and my sister's jokes. I miss the conversations the three of us would have randomly about the most embarassing topics... Me always being shy and saying "come on, stop it" while Carol and mom are making fun of me being so "prude". I miss Carol "mooning" me and me getting sooooooooooooooooooo angry at her...
I miss my adorable grandma, using bad words and not letting me cook (Oh now I would DIE for her food!!!!), and her carrot, chocolate, walnut, yellow, strawberry...whatever...cake. I miss her homemake bread.
I miss carving pumpkings, making coxinhas and going out with Carol and Brett and getting that feeling of a family from those two.
I miss David. Everything. Every minute of the day.

I miss it...I miss...

Life is a bunch of missings. But you know, missing something means you have something special waiting for you, or something special that happened. Missing someone means there's love, just for you, just the way you are waiting for you.
So what I am really trying to say is: I miss, but I love. I am not complaining whatsoever. I am glad I having wonderful people to miss. Spectacular places to miss and amazing moments to miss.

Well, I am heading to bed. 8/7 hours of sleep! Getting healthy, I told ya.

Love,
Ana Livia (By the way I hate when people sign with their inicials. ALC. Seriously?!?!?)

"Somewhere out there is another little freak who will love us, understand us, and kiss our three heads and make it all better." (Sex and the City)

I miss sex and the city

Andrea and I were talking whose personality in Sex and the city is the best for us. Without a question, she said I was the perfect Charlotte and that she was between Carrie and Samantha.

So I was bored, couldnt sleep, and decided to watch some of it on YouTube and found these hilarious parts of Sex and the City.
Best ones of every character:



Another dirty one.


Thats a short one, but that is veryyyy funny.


This one is when they get food poisoning. Which reminds me of the night David and I ate a bad paella


Funny.

Happenings in Conde de Casal (my neighborhood)

This are my roomates: Katie and Christian.
With Katie our new "member" of the Conde de Casal family: Lola. We got her at some old lady's thing on Diego de León this afternoon. :D Welcome Little Lola!!!

The second pic, is Christian. When I opened my window I called him and he opened the kitchen window and smiled for this pic!!! The lovely view out of my bedroom window!

Katie and I decided a little flower would be nice for your apartment. Not only to make it prettier but to make it happier. My mom always says how flowers cheer for us so I thought it would be nice.

Finals ended for me, thank God. I was so stressed, and I can see Katie is too. Christian is still doing finals, but more excited about getting hammered (word Katie proudly taught him) on Wednesday. So, I proudly suggested caipirinhas...to start. We all have class on Thursday but at this point, who cares?

Our nasty-neighbor is still banging on our wall. She should be the one getting banged, in my opinion. Such an unhappy, miserable, rude, stupid bitch. Last time she yelled at me I told her I wouldnt tolerate her rudeness. Her husband came to talk to Christian the other day and said for him to be patient with her. Seriously?! Christian is so polite, so he said "Yeah, whatever". Good thing he didnt ask me...

Other than that, nothing. I am preparing a nice little dinner for some friends tonight. Some salad, meat lasagna and strawberries with ice cream.

Well, so far, thats my day.

"Why do we have to listen to our hearts?" "Because, wherever your heart is, that is where you'll find your treasure." (The Alchemist)
That quote made me smile :)

Some sleep.

I know I put too many videos and songs here instead of actually writing. It's just that I love how songs can express how I feel or what I think what that week or couple of days. I love the whole lyrics of a song, and the melody and how it moves some people. Every person I know I have a song that reminds of me of them, and every situation in my life that was important there is a song. I'll never forget.
SO anyways, this week I have been having problems to fall asleep. I dont know if its because exams, PMS, homesickness that builds up to anxiety. It's like I go to bed and everything I could think floats around my brain.
And then as browsing through some Jack Johnson (best thing to relax in the whole world) I found this song, that perfectly defines how I am feeling now...
It's called "No Other Way".
I found this live version. Cute.
It reminds me of the first day I moved to this apt, Katie turned on her music and it was playing "Flake" by him and she said to Christian "Did you know that he is going to secretly marry me?"
I think it was the first joke we managed to make here. ;)

I promise next week my writing skills will be more developed. :)



But at least we can sleep, its all that we need
When we wake we will find
Our minds will be free to go to sleep

Good night.

"I believe that everything happens for a reason.
People change so that you can learn to let go.
Things go wrong so you can appreciate them when they're right.
And sometimes good things fall apart so better ones can fall together"

Old article I found...

I found this article, from last year. I have to say, Tate was one of the cool people I interviewed and enjoyed writing about. It was really bad that the article had to be super short, because I could have developed so much more about his work.

When I heard about him and how famous his book was, I was so worried about interviewing him or how I could do this without sounding stupid. But he was awesome, he is so nice and was willing to explain everything on the book. The funny part was when I had to take a picture of him for the article! How do you photograph a photographer?! But again, was a great interview.
I bought the book right after interviewing him. The book was very smart and fun to read in my opinion. It's a great book for a foreigner like me that is embarassed to ask what a "pearl necklace" means and can still get a tasteful explanation.

Here it is:

For times when people wonder what expressions such as “pop that cherry” or “pearl necklace” mean, photographer and IU graduate student Jordan Tate created a dictionary to clarify – in a fun and creative way – the literal and sexual meanings of phrases like these and many more.
“The Contemporary Dictionary of Sexual Euphemisms,” published on January of 2007 illustrates in its pictures the literal meaning of the expressions while its definitions contain the two different explanations and the origin of the euphemism.
Tate, a M.D.A. candidate at IU’s Henry Radford Hope School of Fine Arts, explained that with such dictionary he wanted to address the insecurity and homophobia of the male sexuality.
“But my major goal was to address an audience that wouldn’t read or explore the work I was doing previously,” he said.
The book was sold in countries such as Canada, England, Germany and France and some of its pictures can be found in the February issue of Playboy magazine.
Tate’s book can be purchased at Amazon.com or at the friends of art bookstore at the SoFA gallery.

'Sta luego!

Everybody is free

These last week I've getting great advice from people about feeling better and less stressed. Or about anything else.
That's when I randomly thought of this video, super old, that I did a project on when I was in high school. I dont even remember what the project was about...But I remember loving this video and everything it says. It's from the same director as Moulin Rouge and Romeo and Juliet, and unfortunally the best version I could find was with portuguese subtitles.
I love the advice in this video...it's clear, simple and doable (did I spell it right??)

Im going to go back to write my paper. I hope this week flies so I can see David as soon as possible. I miss him terribly.

Well, that's the video called "everybody is free (to wear sunscreen)" by Baz Luhrmann.

Happenings and thoughts.

Well, I should sleep. But no, Im bored and not tired at all. I should write my paper - I got only one page. I've been getting so easily distracted that is unbelievable.
Such a great mood swing. Last weekend I was so homesick, and this week I am giggly for the entire day, which feels great, but there's no productivity what so ever.
But tomorrow hopefully will be better. I have tons to do...And I cant wait till this week is over... February 2nd I am planning on some Coronas. Let's see.
PMS will be on its way on that weekend, so it will be interesting to keep living the mood swings. :D

Nothing else is really new. Christian and I were planning trips to Berlin and Lisbon, Jen and I to Florence and I was talking to Matt about Rome but it never came up again. I really wanted to take my mom to Rome, but the week she'll be here (Semana Santa in Spanish) Rome happens to be the #1 place to go - in other words - ridiculously expensive prices on the tickets and everything else.
Everyone is so stressed up that traveling is the last thing on their mind.

I've been reading American news. Heath Ledger died (sad - "10 things I hate about you" marked my adolescence with afternoons at my grandparent's with Juliana) and Hillary's presidential campaign is doing pre-tty well. In regards to that, I am quite happy.
However I have a comment to say.
I was reading the names of famous people and their donations to the democratic candidates, and what is very interesting is that every African American artist contributed to Obama.
Dont get me wrong. It would be great if the president of the US was a man from a minority and Obama is a great candidate in my opinion. But that's like every woman voting for Hillary!
At the end of it, voters should think about their country's issues, and their candidates abilities - not race or gender.

We all know how America is somewhat lead by these celebrities and how much what they say matters to everyone (Im not judging, I read celebrity gossip every day too!!!!)
And seeing all these African Americans voting for Obama sends out the wrong message - Kids my age are dying in this stupid war, and families are being lost. Gays couples can't be together legally and the dollar is going down.
Does the race or gender really matter at this point?!

Just a thought.

Other than that nothing. It's me going to bed with lovely plans to finish a paper.

Buenas noches,

"Think globally, act locally" (Unknown)

Some old classic good brazilian

Good to be brazilian....
to be able to truly appreciate Tom Jobim and Vinicius de Moraes composition/poetry (same writers from the "Garota de Ipanema"), and Ivete Sangalo's voice....
Beautiful song. Just amazing.




"E cada verso meu, será pra te dizer
Que eu sei que vou te amar, por toda minha vida"

Now its ok.

This week was long. That's how I start my post today.

I am not going to write about what was going on this week, it doesnt matter. Friday finally came, and I am still privated from sleep (for weeks) and worried. I've been trying to not worry all the time...
You know, everyone that is around me probably could say I am almost never in a bad mood...Or that I am constant or consistent or predictable - not the type of person who would behave differently without an explanation.

But today was different.
Even though I had only 2 hours of sleep, I managed to hang out after class, eat a kebab and talk in a great mood, the entire day. I couldnt take a nap this afternoon...
I feel as something is not leting me sleep.

I went to a restaurant, had a great dinner and was introduced by Matt to some of his friends (some people from Italy). Great people, and I was again...in a great mood.

But as I walked to the metro, I was just with myself. And that when trouble starts. I sat on the metro with an empty mind and suddenly two brothers crossed the door. I suppose they were around my age and my sister's age. Both were very good looking, and one was blind. Just a note: It always breaks my heart to see someone young with a type of disability. And his brother kept watching him and talking, having such a good "brother" time.
I missed my sister so bad and I dont know...Something just popped in my mind: how much I miss so many people, so many people, how alone I was feeling and how I dont remember feeling so fragile in such a long time. I put my head down, holding my scarf so tight and promising myself I wouldn't cry.
And that tiny tear came out. I put my head up and said to myself "Dont cry".
The freaking metro was packed, of drunk people, old people, tired workers...
And the next stop came up.
So this middled age guy as leaving, stops in front of me, puts his head down and looks at me while smiling and says, as if he knew me "Intenta positivar esa tristeza. Quedáte bien." ( Try to make this sadness positive. Take care) and I was so overwhelmed all I could say was "Gracias"

I was not expecting that. At all. And sometimes weird things like that happen...But I felt so thankful to hear that. I understood what he meant and that was enough for everything I wanted to cry - and eventually did.

Im being strong, and I am not complaining. And thats exactly the reason I dont dare calling anyone when I feel like this, not to hear "Oh you want to come back??"
No, I dont.
But everyone - once in a while - feel as fragile as a piece of thin porcelain and I cannot handle the "Oh but you chose this" crap.
It's a lesson I guess of how to deal with my own problems and how to learn about my emotions.

However, I confess: A word, a single word from confort, from someone I never saw and will never see in my life never felt as good as today. Thank you, whoever you are.

"...what do you do? You laugh. I'm not saying I don't cry but in between I laugh and I realize how silly it is to take anything too seriously. Plus, I look forward to a good cry. It feels pretty good." (Garden State)

"Losing hope is easy
When your only friend is gone
And every time you look around
Well, it all, it all just seems to change
But hanging on is easy
When you've got a friend to call
When nothings making sense at all
You're not the only one who's afraid of change" (Jack Johnson - Losing Hope)



This week was long. That's how I finish this post.

Time to be bored

While taking a break, Katie and I decided to watch about "ssshhh" in the movies, since we've been telling each other to "ssshhh" here...
I love it.

Happy New Year - (Late!!)

Today is the lazyest (spelled correctly?) night of the year so far. :P Im just sitting in front of the computer, downloading music, and reading celebrity gossip. Then I thought it would be a great idea to write down here about my New year. 2007 was definitely one of the best years... Only great happening with me and my family, and for that I am very thankful to God.
I am still shaping my personality, but I feel that this past year I became much more aggressive about what I want from life and what's really there and how to make the best of it.
I see so many people around me complaining that Madrid is getting boring, but I am still trying to get the best out of it, and I am (without smoking pot, and going out every weekend...).
Well, but lets start from the beggining!!!!!

First I have to write all the things I am thankful for this year:

-For the opportunity of being here. :) Im loving every second even though I miss my family, David and my friends like crazy. But what makes me feel better is that this is 100% my choice and that I could always get a plane back to the US ...

-For meeting David. :) Further details I just prefer to tell him.

-For my - and my loved ones - health. Sometimes we take that for granted, but this is one of the most blessed things we all have!

-For meeting great people - such as my roomate Katie - this year. Its very cheesy but she held me down for the though moments, for the much needed conversations about every thing, for the laughs, the shared food and the hugs for everytime I cried. Katie is probably the reason 80% of the times I was upset, confused or PMS-ing never got to be known in the other continent :P

-For every little thing I learned here: About endurance, being simple, being open minded, and appreciating every thing 10000000000000 times more than I used to when close to home.
Its incredible but I only got to realize how much affection is important to me. I remember when my cousin Fabiana went to study in Australia for a year and wrote in a letter (that time there wasnt e-mail) to her mom: "When I was in Brazil all I wanted was a pair of Levi's, now all I want is a hug".
I know now what she meant ;)

-For not worrying about financial problems.

-For God :) Most of all, who gave me all these wonderful things.


I just wish 2008 is a year as good as this one. Or better. :)

"É tão bom viajarmos juntos
E viver aproveitando tudo
Amanhã vai ser melhor que hoje
Novos sonhos ao amanhecer" (Ivete Sangalo)

I need to write A LOT for the new year. But now its late and Im tired.

Katie just sent me a song, that I loved:)
Reminded me of David.


V1: I've been awake for a while now
you've got me feelin like a child now
cause every time I see your bubbly face
I get the tinglies in a silly place

C: It starts in my toes
and I crinkle my nose
where ever it goes I always know
that you make me smile
please stay for a while now
just take your time
where ever you go

V2: The rain is fallin on my window pane
but we are hiding in a safer place
under covers stayin dry and warm
you give me feelins that I adore

C: It starts in my toes
make me crinkle my nose
where ever it goes
i always know
that you make me smile
please stay for a while now
just take your time
where ever you go

B: What am I gonna say
when you make me feel this way
I just........mmmmmm

C: It starts in my toes
make me crinkle my nose
where ever it goes
i always know
that you make me smile
please stay for a while now
just take your time
where ever you go

V3: I've been asleep for a while now
You tucked me in just like a child now
Cause every time you hold me in your arms
I'm comfortable enough to feel your warmth

C: It starts in my soul
And I lose all control
When you kiss my nose
The feelin shows
Cause you make me smile
Baby just take your time now
Holdin me tight

Where ever, where ever, where ever you go
Where ever, where ever, where ever you go
Where ever you go, I'll always know
Cause you make me smile here, just for a while